GO TEAM REASON!

WE DID IT!

http://www.chiropractic-uk.co.uk/gfx/uploads/textbox/Singh/BCA%20Statement%2015th%20April%202010.pdf

I'm too excited to make a proper link! Hopefully I don't hurt myself celebrating, or else I might have to go to a doctor. Better that than a bogus chiropractor though!

I Blame 'I Blame The Patriarchy'

This is in response to this blog entry on the blog I Blame the Patriarchy.

Dear Jill,

I find myself very confused about this whole issue. I guess I just cannot imagine a world in which anyone, regardless of sexual identity, orientation, or identity does not prefer an attractive partner. I'm having trouble envisioning your goal here. In your ideal world, women would be judged more by who they are and the ideas they espouse than by their physical attractiveness. Great, I'm on board, that matches my ideal world. But I'm imagining a world that actually could be, so I'm constrained a little by reality. On this earth people still have hardwired genetic preferences. Most guys don't prefer skinny, busty, model-types because they've seen too many L'Oréal commercials any more than female peacocks prefer brightly colored males because they watch Sex and the City. There are conceptions of beauty which are hardwired into all of us.

Until we can remove our genetic predispositions to beautiful people we will always have people vying for each other's affections by trying to get closer to beautiful. The "patriarchy" does not force women to be beautiful for it's own amusement. I don't know anyone who would prefer an unattractive person to an attractive one. I don't know any single people, women included, who, if given the ability to craft their perfect soul-mate out of the aether would have that person be ugly. I'm excluding people in relationships because many of them would say that their ideal mate would be exactly like the mate they have. But I'd wager that before they met their partner, if they had the opportunity to keep their partner's brain, but transplant it into the body of their ideal conception of beauty damn few would refuse. You would have to provide the caveat that the beauty of the mate would not change in any way the way they interacted with them.

Even you Jill, you prefer attractive people too. I don't know, so I'm going to assume you're cis, but my next point will stand with only very slight modifications if you're not. It's possible you wouldn't admit it, but I'll wager that if we measured your heart rate and perspiration you'd react more to Brad Pitt stripping in front of you than Michael Moore. Unless you prefer chubby guys, but then that's just your conception of beauty, which wouldn't invalidate my point, it would invalidate my example. Imagine the perfect personality for your mate, now imagine the perfect body for your mate. Wouldn't you prefer to have both?

I hope that I have made the case that there is nothing patriarchal about preferring beauty. Pretending that people don't have these ideas about beauty is counter-productive, it hurts feminism by making people assume you're not interested in reality. Claiming that women who wear makeup are appeasing their oppressors has the same effect. That accusation is not based on reality, because it assumes that there are no benefits for the made up woman. This woman will get more positive attention from guys, including guys who are not in any way sexist. Because more guys will like her she will be able to pick her boyfriend(s) from a larger pool, ensuring she will be able to hold them to higher standards. Were this woman so inclined, one of those standards could be that the man had to be completely egalitarian. All other things being equal, a beautiful feminist woman has a better chance of finding a non-sexist partner than an ugly one, because even non-sexist guys have conceptions of beauty. It is not a fun truth, but it's still true.

I say all this as a guy who's not much to look at. Women have standards of attractiveness as well. My flirting is received much better when my hair is done and my shoes look fancy and I'm wearing nice clothes. This is true whether or not I'm talking to intelligent women. Everyone will always have standards and preferences and pretending that they don't or won't in the future is silly.

I kissed a girl, and I liked it

Warning: This is much more of a diary entry than it is good reading material (if you're not me). If you like my writing you might like it, but it's primarily me writing out my thoughts, I'm not 100% sure as to what end. Here's my favorite sentence, to save you the trouble of wading through the journalier bits: It was a reserved smile that turned her eyes translucent, made them lenses magnifying all of her insecurities and doubts. I know it's not that good, but it's my favorite in this post, which didn't have almost any editing.

For those of you wondering, the answer is that the new haircut and shoes kinda worked. I definitely had a person in mind I was trying to impress. (My friend Izzy who's birthday it was told me I looked like "new money", which is awesome). Palindrome Girl, who's name is Anna, (why did I use an anonym when I can just omit her last name?) and I kissed several times. And I think I told her I liked her? And I think she responded favorably? That part of the night is fuzzy. Anna convinced me to continue drinking when I was pretty sure that I did not need to continue drinking. Were she not so damn interesting I would not have assented to her entreaties. She wasn't wearing pants. There's no defense against that. There's just nothing like a pretty girl to convince you to do stuff you know you shouldn't do. My assessment of my drunkenness was confirmed on Saturday by the worst hangover I've had in years. Almost 48 hours later my stomach is still a little tender, and the thought of alcohol makes me nauseous.

Here is the bad news - because there is always bad news - she is moving from Moscow, fifteen minutes away, to Spokane, an hour and half away. I do not know who's idea this was but I am displeased with this person and this decision. Especially because I currently find myself without a mechanical means of locomotion. And Spokane would be a hell of a walk. It could be worse, she could be moving to Boise. I picked Boise because much further than that I would consider any sort of relationship completely out of the question, unless she had a reason other than me to come back here regularly, and could justify (and afford) taking a plane.

This does not necessarily preclude a relationship, but it certainly is a kink in my otherwise foolproof plan. I have her phone number though. She will be hearing from me. Hopefully I will be hearing back. If I'm lucky she will find me as interesting sober as she seemed to drunk. There is one lighthouse moment I have in the middle of the sea of fuzziness that was very early Saturday morning, and it was a timid, slow, and genuine smile. It was an intimate smile. It was a vulnerable smile. It was not a smile I imagine many people see, and it happened right before she put her head on my chest. It was a reserved smile that turned her eyes translucent, made them lenses magnifying all of her insecurities and doubts. I don't precisely recall what I said to coax that wonderful smile out of her, but I remember that even I thought it was sweet. I want to see that smile again. And I want to see the one that comes after, the smile that magnifies the confidence of happiness and security.

I have a bad habit of investing a lot feeling in one person before I know that it's safe to do so. I set myself up for disappointment. I hope that does not happen here. I would be sad.

Good Luck,
-Taylor

New Shoes and a Haircut: a Ticket to SEXYTOWNE

New shoes are like a laxative, but for sexy confidence instead of poop. Or perhaps they are like a soporific, except instead of inducing sleep they induce flirtation with girls so pretty I'd normally try to avoid even looking at them, lest I lose control of my flaccidity. New shoes make inopportune boners opportune. Sadly people don't often stare at my feet when I want them to, despite me wearing a shirt that says, “If you think this shirt is cool you should see my new shoes.”

I've gone all out for the party tomorrow. In addition to new shoes, I have a new haircut. And not just a new haircut, but a new style. I daresay it's daring. I boldly proclaim it's a bold proclamation. I confidently assert it's going to make random passersby horny as hell. Close your eyes for a second, imagine a lion's mane. Imagine how awesome that mane would be if it was made of fire and could wield a sword. NOW DOUBLE THAT, that's how awesome this haircut is. Keep your eyes closed and imagine Brad Pitt's body in “Snatch”. Now imagine Gerard Butler's in “300”. Tuck it into your belt and imagine scientists could put all that sexy in a pill and imagine my hair just took that pill. I trust you're beginning to get an idea about how good this haircut is.

To complete my transformation from lonely loser to alluring Lothario, tomorrow I will only have ONE double garlic and onion sandwich for lunch and I'm skipping my anchovy gum altogether. I'm going to break my normal schedule and bathe before the party instead of waiting for my weekly shower on Monday.

The girl of my dreams is out there, waiting for me. She has been very patient. And it's not been easy, they've been some lonely and sad, yet incredibly busty years. But luckily for her I'm here now. And I've got the haircut and shoes I need to not tremble when I ask her what time it is, and then walk away elated because she almost looked at me. Tomorrow will be a good day.

On a slightly more serious note, if your name is a palindrome and you kissed me last weekend hold on to your hats; tomorrow my new shoes and hat might prove to be more than you can resist. Especially when I pull out the best pickup line ever invented by anyone (write this one down guys, it works like whoa). You got that pen yet, cuz here it is: “If you could be any Disney Princess, which one would you be?” The delivery of this question is important. The question should be built up. Tell her you have a really important question to ask her, but hold on, you need a fresh drink (and so does she), or you need to pee or something. Let her get excited about this really important question. Let her think about what it could be. She will laugh when you finally ask it. What she says is not particularly important, as long as she explains why. If she doesn't volunteer the why ask for it. The “why” gets her talking about her in a silly and fun context, and that's great news for both of you.

I am going to once again ask anyone who reads this to comment. How did you get here? What did you think?

In defense of an unfunny gag gift

You can read about the evils of a remote which controls your husband or wife here.

Here are some disorganized thoughts I have about this, in no particular order, and not very well articulated. I was going to post this as a comment on the blog itself, but I got on a hot roll arguing what I consider to be a real problem, and mostly ignored her point about people who actually want that level of control. I gave that only a cursory treatment because I think it's silly. But because she makes a huge deal about it, upon rereading what I wrote I realized I'm not really addressing her (incoherent and oversimplified) points at all, so I'm going to post it here so that no one will read it.

Here's my problem with this whole thing, we're getting pretty worked up about a gag gift, and a lame one at that. This kind of thing is the reason I don't like to tell people I'm a feminist, because they assume I too am a prude who cannot take a joke. There are real issues out there that need to be addressed, but crying wolf about a stupid product that most people will never even know exists makes it harder for the lay public to take the serious issues seriously. And it's completely side-stepping the real issue.

Have you and your partner ever disagreed about something? Perhaps you wanted to get Chinese but your significant other wanted pizza. Did you ever think, "I sure wish my SO wanted Chinese right now because I'm really craving it." I bet you have, we all have. Who would even want someone they always agree with, that would be boring. But on the other hand who would want someone they never agree with, that would be unbearable. And sometimes you want them to agree with you when they don't. The person who made this product had that thought and realized, "Hey! I bet other people sometimes disagree with their SO's too! Wouldn't it be great if occasionally you could change your partner's mind with the click of a button, holy cow I'm funny!" Now I humbly disagree with that person, I don't think it's funny. But most gag gifts aren't funny, they're stupid. This one is no exception. If you looked at this and immediately wondered what kind of monster would want complete control over their partner you're not only missing the (admittedly unfunny) joke, you're also making some wild assumptions about the creator and potential consumers. The packaging doesn't say "Use this product every day to make your wife perfect." If it did you would have a valid point and I would be right next to you rallying against what would be a sick product.

I understand the point that this is indicative of sexist stereotypes that do cause harm. But I have some issues with this particular fight. The first is that the remote itself isn't a problem. It perpetuates ideas which are already so widely held that it's effectively making no difference at all. It's a drop in a very very large bucket. The remote isn't going to change anyone's mind about anything. No one is going to look at it and think "I wish I could literally force my wife do these things" unless they already have that thought. And let's be honest, occasionally, we all wish we could magically change other people's minds, and our life partners are no exception. Which brings me to my next point, that generally speaking the things that men want from women are different from what women want from men. The reason that "Give sex" is on the control-a-woman remote and not on the control-a-man remote is because it's less common that a woman wants sex when a man doesn't. Obviously this is not true of every relationship, but we're fooling ourselves if we say that men and women are completely even when it comes to the regularity they want to have sex, especially later in life. If we're talking in huge sweeping generalities, and we are, most everything on those remotes makes sense. But even if you completely disagree with that we're still sidestepping the real problem.

The problem is not whether or not stereotypes are true, that's inconsequential. I think many of them are, but even if all stereotypes everywhere were completely learned from our respective cultures and had nothing to do with different group's innate tendencies my point would still stand. The problem is people reacting negatively to people don't follow the majority, people who don't fit neatly into a stereotype. Is believing that women like to shop more than men harmful? No, of course it's not, shopping doesn't hurt anyone. What's harmful is treating the girl who doesn't enjoy it, or the boy who does like they're freaks. Abnormal isn't necessarily bad, it's just abnormal. But let's not fall into the trap of saying that nothing is abnormal. Being gay is abnormal. We straight folks have gays way outnumbered. Who cares? It's not better, it's not worse, it's just abnormal. This is the reaction we should strive for everyone to have about anything which doesn't hurt people.

Through the right set of eyes, this, like many things, could be construed as offensive to whichever group you're most sympathetic towards. Without prompting, if you asked me who I thought this product was most offensive to I'd be inclined to say African Americans. But that's because I'm young and liberal and white and have been taught my whole life to feel crappy because other whites used to be own black people (it worked, I do). And when I think of having total control over someone slavery pops into my head readily. Slavery also isn't funny, nor is racism. If someone wanted they could probably make a good case that these remotes are insensitive to African Americans on the grounds that they're reminiscent of slavery.


If you read this please let me know! I am getting some traffic on this blog, though not very much. And people are staying for about a minute, which means they're reading at least a little. So if you you did take the time to read to here please comment, even if all you do is say "I read your thing". Opinions would be even better!

I'm working on one of those substantive posts I promised earlier.

It's sort of a response to this and this.

In the last two weeks I've had one visitor! I bet you came here accidentally, if it wasn't me checking this from another computer. But be sure, hypothetical person, that you will soon have something interesting and engaging to read!

Actually, eff it, here's the first paragraph, though it has not yet been edited yet, and will likely change before it's posted officially.

When I was in High School my mom told me that when I was walking down remote streets, if I saw a woman, I should go to the opposite side of the street from her. I'm 6'4” tall, and about 250 pounds, so I guess to someone who didn't know me, especially if that person was a lone woman on a lonely street, I might have an intimidating silhouette. However, in High School I was a huge nerd, and was pretty much terrified of women. Much like a spider, I was way more afraid of them then they ever were of me. So when my mom told me to cross the street I thought it was absurd. I wasn't a rapist, I had no intentions of becoming a rapist, these hypothetical women had nothing to be afraid of. On several occasions after that lonely women on lonely streets crossed to the other side of the street from me. At first I felt this was fair. I didn't have the problem, why should I be the one inconvenienced? Then I began to realize they were crossing the street out of real fear. Even though I posed no actual threat to them, they was still a very real possibility to them that I was. Since that time I have always crossed the street in lieu of possibly scaring women.

If, hypothetical person, you exist and have a thought about that paragraph let me know! However, I am not going to be holding my breath. Especially since I'm pretty sure right now this blog is unsearchable.

I just wrote an amazingly long e-mail. I don't have any thoughts left to write. I am sorry. But at least I updated before midnight!