I kissed a girl, and I liked it

Warning: This is much more of a diary entry than it is good reading material (if you're not me). If you like my writing you might like it, but it's primarily me writing out my thoughts, I'm not 100% sure as to what end. Here's my favorite sentence, to save you the trouble of wading through the journalier bits: It was a reserved smile that turned her eyes translucent, made them lenses magnifying all of her insecurities and doubts. I know it's not that good, but it's my favorite in this post, which didn't have almost any editing.

For those of you wondering, the answer is that the new haircut and shoes kinda worked. I definitely had a person in mind I was trying to impress. (My friend Izzy who's birthday it was told me I looked like "new money", which is awesome). Palindrome Girl, who's name is Anna, (why did I use an anonym when I can just omit her last name?) and I kissed several times. And I think I told her I liked her? And I think she responded favorably? That part of the night is fuzzy. Anna convinced me to continue drinking when I was pretty sure that I did not need to continue drinking. Were she not so damn interesting I would not have assented to her entreaties. She wasn't wearing pants. There's no defense against that. There's just nothing like a pretty girl to convince you to do stuff you know you shouldn't do. My assessment of my drunkenness was confirmed on Saturday by the worst hangover I've had in years. Almost 48 hours later my stomach is still a little tender, and the thought of alcohol makes me nauseous.

Here is the bad news - because there is always bad news - she is moving from Moscow, fifteen minutes away, to Spokane, an hour and half away. I do not know who's idea this was but I am displeased with this person and this decision. Especially because I currently find myself without a mechanical means of locomotion. And Spokane would be a hell of a walk. It could be worse, she could be moving to Boise. I picked Boise because much further than that I would consider any sort of relationship completely out of the question, unless she had a reason other than me to come back here regularly, and could justify (and afford) taking a plane.

This does not necessarily preclude a relationship, but it certainly is a kink in my otherwise foolproof plan. I have her phone number though. She will be hearing from me. Hopefully I will be hearing back. If I'm lucky she will find me as interesting sober as she seemed to drunk. There is one lighthouse moment I have in the middle of the sea of fuzziness that was very early Saturday morning, and it was a timid, slow, and genuine smile. It was an intimate smile. It was a vulnerable smile. It was not a smile I imagine many people see, and it happened right before she put her head on my chest. It was a reserved smile that turned her eyes translucent, made them lenses magnifying all of her insecurities and doubts. I don't precisely recall what I said to coax that wonderful smile out of her, but I remember that even I thought it was sweet. I want to see that smile again. And I want to see the one that comes after, the smile that magnifies the confidence of happiness and security.

I have a bad habit of investing a lot feeling in one person before I know that it's safe to do so. I set myself up for disappointment. I hope that does not happen here. I would be sad.

Good Luck,
-Taylor